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The best topic clearly because it is about Joule
by Joule Wed Jul 23, 2014 9:45 pm
People. Lives. Thousands of them. Lost in a single night.
Why didn’t they stop him?
Why didn’t they kill him?
Why didn’t they do what they had to do?
They could have prevented the disaster. Instead the helped make it happen. The helped because of their precious baby. They killed because of him.
If asked, Nat would always claim he had little memory of the incident. How far from the truth that was. He remembered the cool blade against the bare skin of his neck. He remembered the masked man asking him to follow. To not make a sound. He remembered making a sound and getting cut as punishment. He remembered the tears that he tried to push back, and how those tears tasted when they rolled down his round, red cheeks and into his mouth. He remembered asking where he was being taken, and why. Were those his parents? What were they doing there? Why did they look so scared? Why had the big man cut him? Why were his hands tied up? He’d asked for his mother. He remembered that. He remembered being angry at himself, because he was a grown man now, ten whole years old, and yet he couldn’t stop crying. He remembered hating his father seeing him like this.
And he remembered what they did. His parents.
He remembered everything.
Letting out a sigh, Nat got out of his king-sized bed. He didn’t care that he remembered. They got what they deserved. They would rot for their rest of their lives in the Devoid. They should have sacrificed the life of a single boy to save the city. It would have been the logical thing to do. The right thing to do. They didn’t do it, so they had to pay.
A glance at the clock on the wall, barely visible in the moonlight. It was one of those old, analog ones, before all the digital displays took over.
Five hours past midnight. Another night with barely no sleep.
“this is getting ridiculous honestly what is even the point of those sleeping pills i swear they are such a waste of money” his tone was completely flat as he mumbled, no punctuation, no emotion.
Black circles under his eyes, he dragged his feet to the fridge, helping himself to an energy drink. As usual, he was nude - after all, no one ever visited him in his penthouse. He was rich, and he was famous, and he had thousands of fans, but not a single visitor.
“perfect just how i want it visitors are irritating and loud”
Talking to himself. A common habit of the lonely, made even worse when he had moved out from his aunt’s house, with whom he had been living before coming of age.
“i know what i need i need a good work out”
And so to his training room he went, on the floor below, running and lifting and punching until night was no more and the sun shone in the moon’s place, and the birds began to sing. Not that he could hear the birds from where he trained. Or see the sun. All he could see was flashing blurs of light before closed eyelids every time he shut his eyes. He trained until he could train no more, and his hands felt heavy and his legs wobbly.
“there now i am tired now i can sleep”
Sleep. His bed. A pillow. He was already there. Bliss.
Except he wasn’t. He was not in his bed anymore. He was in a dark room. He was tied. Restrained. He could not move. He could not cry out.
Where had his bed gone? His fluffy pillows?
A man in the corner of the room. That man. That same man with the dark mask. He wasn’t holding a knife this time. He was holding a gun. A weapon. The weapon. That one. The most terrifying one of them all. The one which had almost cost him his powers.
No. No. I refuse. I will not. I will not lose my powers again. I will not allow you to take them away from me.
Struggling. Again and again. The more he struggled, the tighter his bonds became, and the man moved closer and closer, evil glint in his eyes, hidden behind the mask.
No. No please. I can’t. You can’t. They’re all I have.
They’re all I have.
Being a hero was all he knew how to be. All he had ever wanted. Joule was the real person and Nat was just a boy behind a mask. Nat wasn’t real. Joule was. That little boy crying, the one who couldn’t speak to people, who couldn’t fight off the tall man, he wasn’t real. The big, strong hero was.
They couldn’t take that away from him.
But they did.
He did. The man came with the weapon. Nat couldn’t fight.
He awoke with a gasp, eyes welling up, circles even larger under his eyes.
“who needs sleep anyway” he muttered and got on with the rest of his day.
Much like every day.
Why didn’t they stop him?
Why didn’t they kill him?
Why didn’t they do what they had to do?
They could have prevented the disaster. Instead the helped make it happen. The helped because of their precious baby. They killed because of him.
If asked, Nat would always claim he had little memory of the incident. How far from the truth that was. He remembered the cool blade against the bare skin of his neck. He remembered the masked man asking him to follow. To not make a sound. He remembered making a sound and getting cut as punishment. He remembered the tears that he tried to push back, and how those tears tasted when they rolled down his round, red cheeks and into his mouth. He remembered asking where he was being taken, and why. Were those his parents? What were they doing there? Why did they look so scared? Why had the big man cut him? Why were his hands tied up? He’d asked for his mother. He remembered that. He remembered being angry at himself, because he was a grown man now, ten whole years old, and yet he couldn’t stop crying. He remembered hating his father seeing him like this.
And he remembered what they did. His parents.
He remembered everything.
Letting out a sigh, Nat got out of his king-sized bed. He didn’t care that he remembered. They got what they deserved. They would rot for their rest of their lives in the Devoid. They should have sacrificed the life of a single boy to save the city. It would have been the logical thing to do. The right thing to do. They didn’t do it, so they had to pay.
A glance at the clock on the wall, barely visible in the moonlight. It was one of those old, analog ones, before all the digital displays took over.
Five hours past midnight. Another night with barely no sleep.
“this is getting ridiculous honestly what is even the point of those sleeping pills i swear they are such a waste of money” his tone was completely flat as he mumbled, no punctuation, no emotion.
Black circles under his eyes, he dragged his feet to the fridge, helping himself to an energy drink. As usual, he was nude - after all, no one ever visited him in his penthouse. He was rich, and he was famous, and he had thousands of fans, but not a single visitor.
“perfect just how i want it visitors are irritating and loud”
Talking to himself. A common habit of the lonely, made even worse when he had moved out from his aunt’s house, with whom he had been living before coming of age.
“i know what i need i need a good work out”
And so to his training room he went, on the floor below, running and lifting and punching until night was no more and the sun shone in the moon’s place, and the birds began to sing. Not that he could hear the birds from where he trained. Or see the sun. All he could see was flashing blurs of light before closed eyelids every time he shut his eyes. He trained until he could train no more, and his hands felt heavy and his legs wobbly.
“there now i am tired now i can sleep”
Sleep. His bed. A pillow. He was already there. Bliss.
Except he wasn’t. He was not in his bed anymore. He was in a dark room. He was tied. Restrained. He could not move. He could not cry out.
Where had his bed gone? His fluffy pillows?
A man in the corner of the room. That man. That same man with the dark mask. He wasn’t holding a knife this time. He was holding a gun. A weapon. The weapon. That one. The most terrifying one of them all. The one which had almost cost him his powers.
No. No. I refuse. I will not. I will not lose my powers again. I will not allow you to take them away from me.
Struggling. Again and again. The more he struggled, the tighter his bonds became, and the man moved closer and closer, evil glint in his eyes, hidden behind the mask.
No. No please. I can’t. You can’t. They’re all I have.
They’re all I have.
Being a hero was all he knew how to be. All he had ever wanted. Joule was the real person and Nat was just a boy behind a mask. Nat wasn’t real. Joule was. That little boy crying, the one who couldn’t speak to people, who couldn’t fight off the tall man, he wasn’t real. The big, strong hero was.
They couldn’t take that away from him.
But they did.
He did. The man came with the weapon. Nat couldn’t fight.
He awoke with a gasp, eyes welling up, circles even larger under his eyes.
“who needs sleep anyway” he muttered and got on with the rest of his day.
Much like every day.
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In which Nat has his first TIA
by Joule Wed Jul 30, 2014 3:19 pm
Nathaniel stared up at his parents’ faces from his mother’s arms, big green eyes full of curiosity. They were talking to that nice woman with the white coat but he couldn’t understand what they were saying. He just wanted to go out and play. And he wanted to see if the little tortoise was okay. But they were talking about him. They were talking about him and using long unknown words and looking at him. His parents looked worried. Even the pretty lady looked worried. Why were they all so concerned? Were they worried about the tortoise too?
“Do you understand what we are telling you, Nathaniel?” the woman in white turned to the young boy.
“What’s a transi..en…t…em…ic…. tack?”
“Don’t worry about that. Did you understand what I said about your powers?”
“Answer the doctor honey, she just wants to help you,” his mother ran her fingers through his thick, dark curls.
“You… don’t want me to use them?” He clutched his mother’s shirt, wanting to feel secure.
“Just for a little while, honey,” she planted a sweet kiss on his forehead. “Just don’t use them for a little while, and remember to take your medicine.”
“But I did a good thing! I saved that tortoise! It was dead but then it wasn’t, I went back to when it was alive and stopped it from dying!”
“Yes… yes sweetheart and it’s a very nice thing of you to do, but… it… it isn’t good for you.”
“But… but…” the boy looked as if he were about to burst into tears.
“Hey,” his father’s voice calmed him down instantly, as always. “How about you save your powers for now, so you can use them to save people when you grow up? Can you do that for me?”
“And if I do then I’ll be strong and I’ll be able to save people with you and mum?”
“You bet you will, my little hero.”
There was a moment of silence and a light sniffle. “Okay… You promise?”
“I promise.”
“Do you understand what we are telling you, Nathaniel?” the woman in white turned to the young boy.
“What’s a transi..en…t…em…ic…. tack?”
“Don’t worry about that. Did you understand what I said about your powers?”
“Answer the doctor honey, she just wants to help you,” his mother ran her fingers through his thick, dark curls.
“You… don’t want me to use them?” He clutched his mother’s shirt, wanting to feel secure.
“Just for a little while, honey,” she planted a sweet kiss on his forehead. “Just don’t use them for a little while, and remember to take your medicine.”
“But I did a good thing! I saved that tortoise! It was dead but then it wasn’t, I went back to when it was alive and stopped it from dying!”
“Yes… yes sweetheart and it’s a very nice thing of you to do, but… it… it isn’t good for you.”
“But… but…” the boy looked as if he were about to burst into tears.
“Hey,” his father’s voice calmed him down instantly, as always. “How about you save your powers for now, so you can use them to save people when you grow up? Can you do that for me?”
“And if I do then I’ll be strong and I’ll be able to save people with you and mum?”
“You bet you will, my little hero.”
There was a moment of silence and a light sniffle. “Okay… You promise?”
“I promise.”
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Re: The best topic clearly because it is about Joule
by Joule Wed Jul 30, 2014 6:22 pm
[Takes place when Nat is 15]
“Do you understand what I’m telling you Nathaniel?!” Helen didn’t usually get this worked up, but the young hero had a special talent in doing so.
“I understand it but I don’t agree with it.” Nat’s voice was a petulant mumble.
“You don’t agree with it? I don’t think you understand the situation truly, if you don’t agree!” She’d had it with him. Why did she have to be assigned to a hero like him for her internship? She hadn’t even finished studying and she had to baby this little brat - he wasn’t even a proper hero. She was only doing this for her mother, who had been the boy’s family herologist before she’d passed away.
“What do you think, I’m stupid or something? I get what you’re saying. And I’m telling you, I am not going to stop using my powers.” The teenager folded his arms stubbornly.
“Do you have a death wish?! You’re FIFTEEN and you’ve had FOUR mini-strokes. FOUR NATHANIEL.”
“I DON’T have a death wish! But I would rather DIE than give up my powers!” For the first time in their conversation Nat raised his voice, anger boiling inside him. “SO YOU BETTER GET THAT RAMMED INTO YOUR SLUGGING HEAD.”
“You’re such a PAIN!”
“YEAH well SO ARE YOU. Give me ANOTHER herologist then!”
“You KNOW we can’t do that till you’re eighteen! So I guess we are STUCK with each other and I suggest you begin LISTENING TO ME!”
________
[six months later]
The young woman let out a sign, looking down at the hospital bed.
“Yeah yeah I know…” Nat gave her a sour mumble and rolled his eyes. “You told me so.”
“That… that wasn’t what I was going to say.”
“Sure. Whatever.” Embarrassed to be seen in such a state, he turned his head away.
“I… was thinking…” she took a seat by his bed. “Perhaps… it’s time for a different approach.”
Nat said nothing, but she had his attention.
“I can’t stop you from using your powers,” she continued. “But at least I can try and help you control them.” At that, she dropped a pile of books on his bed. Actual printed books. “So I thought, the better you can understand them, the more effectively you’ll be able to use them. I’ve been running some tests to figure out exactly how they cause you damage, so perhaps we will be able to pinpoint the reason and fight it, or at least deal with it. Now, I’m going to work hard to make this work, but I need you to work with me. So no being reckless for a while, okay?”
“I…. what…?”
It was all he could manage. The only words which could leave his lips. He stared at the books, then at Helen, then back at the books. Was she being serious about this? He’d thought she would have given him another lecture for sure. Hell, he thought she would have killed him herself. He thought many things, but this was not something he had expected.
“Real… books? Where did you even get these?”
“That’s all you have to say?!” She was met with a shrug. “… Yeah my mum had a small library. She liked real booked and I also kinda like them. Thought it would be a nice experience for you…”
“… Fine. Whatever. This beats getting lectured all the time. I… I guess I’ll give it a go.” His voice softened towards the end, even though he tried to act tough.
“I guess that’s as good an answer as I am going to get out of you.” Another shrug on the teenager’s part. “Now that this is out of the way… I need to discuss your diet with you.”
“My… what…?”
“Diet. Healthy eating. You would be surprised at how much something as simple as that can help you in your condition. Now let me just get the list out…”
Nat let out a groan and fell back against his pillow. Hospitals and doctors sucked.
“Do you understand what I’m telling you Nathaniel?!” Helen didn’t usually get this worked up, but the young hero had a special talent in doing so.
“I understand it but I don’t agree with it.” Nat’s voice was a petulant mumble.
“You don’t agree with it? I don’t think you understand the situation truly, if you don’t agree!” She’d had it with him. Why did she have to be assigned to a hero like him for her internship? She hadn’t even finished studying and she had to baby this little brat - he wasn’t even a proper hero. She was only doing this for her mother, who had been the boy’s family herologist before she’d passed away.
“What do you think, I’m stupid or something? I get what you’re saying. And I’m telling you, I am not going to stop using my powers.” The teenager folded his arms stubbornly.
“Do you have a death wish?! You’re FIFTEEN and you’ve had FOUR mini-strokes. FOUR NATHANIEL.”
“I DON’T have a death wish! But I would rather DIE than give up my powers!” For the first time in their conversation Nat raised his voice, anger boiling inside him. “SO YOU BETTER GET THAT RAMMED INTO YOUR SLUGGING HEAD.”
“You’re such a PAIN!”
“YEAH well SO ARE YOU. Give me ANOTHER herologist then!”
“You KNOW we can’t do that till you’re eighteen! So I guess we are STUCK with each other and I suggest you begin LISTENING TO ME!”
________
[six months later]
The young woman let out a sign, looking down at the hospital bed.
“Yeah yeah I know…” Nat gave her a sour mumble and rolled his eyes. “You told me so.”
“That… that wasn’t what I was going to say.”
“Sure. Whatever.” Embarrassed to be seen in such a state, he turned his head away.
“I… was thinking…” she took a seat by his bed. “Perhaps… it’s time for a different approach.”
Nat said nothing, but she had his attention.
“I can’t stop you from using your powers,” she continued. “But at least I can try and help you control them.” At that, she dropped a pile of books on his bed. Actual printed books. “So I thought, the better you can understand them, the more effectively you’ll be able to use them. I’ve been running some tests to figure out exactly how they cause you damage, so perhaps we will be able to pinpoint the reason and fight it, or at least deal with it. Now, I’m going to work hard to make this work, but I need you to work with me. So no being reckless for a while, okay?”
“I…. what…?”
It was all he could manage. The only words which could leave his lips. He stared at the books, then at Helen, then back at the books. Was she being serious about this? He’d thought she would have given him another lecture for sure. Hell, he thought she would have killed him herself. He thought many things, but this was not something he had expected.
“Real… books? Where did you even get these?”
“That’s all you have to say?!” She was met with a shrug. “… Yeah my mum had a small library. She liked real booked and I also kinda like them. Thought it would be a nice experience for you…”
“… Fine. Whatever. This beats getting lectured all the time. I… I guess I’ll give it a go.” His voice softened towards the end, even though he tried to act tough.
“I guess that’s as good an answer as I am going to get out of you.” Another shrug on the teenager’s part. “Now that this is out of the way… I need to discuss your diet with you.”
“My… what…?”
“Diet. Healthy eating. You would be surprised at how much something as simple as that can help you in your condition. Now let me just get the list out…”
Nat let out a groan and fell back against his pillow. Hospitals and doctors sucked.
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Villains, Letters, Strangers
by Joule Mon Aug 04, 2014 9:17 am
(I didn't know where else to put this. A while back in the chat some events happened which I thought were important to Joule. I wrote the chat down like a fic.)
[Note: This takes place much later in time, the events have not yet occurred.]
[Part 1]
Joule was having an argument with Nathan about something related to his obsession with sex. Such conversations had been common between the two when they had first met, but they hadn’t actually had one in a while.
“You’re like the beacon of sex stuff in this group. You’re going to spread your influence to everyone and they’ll all be busy having sex so no one can stop the villains!”
Kade intervened with a grin on his face. “Maybe he can weaponise it.”
“We could use it against the villains- But if they reproduce, that is a problem.” Nathan rubbed his chin.
“We could distract them with sex. And then kill them.” Joule piped up.
“Gunno suck if they’re asexual though,” pointed out Nathan.
“Then we can sexually harass them. And kill them while they are distracted.” He put his hands on his waist proudly.
“Your tendency towards killing villains is rather disturbing.”
“Oh yeah. I guess it’s illegal to kill them,” Joule pulled a face. “But really it would be the logical thing to do. Stop them from causing any more trouble.”
“Villains are people too.” The other man disagreed with him. “They deserve a second chance to right their wrongs.”
“Uh. No. No they don’t.” It was Kade who spoke up this time, and Joule agreed with him.
“How are they supposed to right their wrongs through the Devoid anyway?”
“Not all villains started out that way. They are victims of circumstance, and killing them makes us no better. They can be rehabilitated,” Nathan frowned slightly.
“The hell they can.” Joule folded his arms.
“Yeah don’t be stupid. They forfeited that right be becoming villains.”
“They should just wipe everyone in the Devoid out and reduce the chances of an uprising.”
“Seriously, why do we even have a place like that?”
Nathan stared at the other two in a moment of disbelief. How could they be so naïve?
“Then by that logic, we should kill everyone in prison. Even the kid in there for stealing.”
“That’s different,” Joule rolled his eyes.
“Yes, villains aren’t ordinary prisoners.”
“Exactly. Murder of innocents is the ultimate crime. Chaos. Disorder. Evil things.” Joule’s voice was firm.
“They’re terrorists, murderers, people who would go right back to doing the exact same thing that landed them in there if they go out.”
Kade’s words stung him. They stung Joule, even though he wouldn’t admit it, not even to himself.
“Not all villains have committed murder,” argued Nathan, “and by killing them, we are murdering them.”
“Fight fire with fire!”
“Yeah!”
“No, don’t. I know from experience, fire does not defeat fire.” Nathan had a sad expression on his face as he said that.
“I saw just bring the death penalty back!” Joule just kept getting bolder with his statements. “See how many villains chicken out.”
“What Joule said. People in the Devoid are not people. Period.”
“Exactly.” The sting in his chest was back. He ignored it.
“So there’s no issue with killing them.”
Nathan gave examples of heroes being put in the Devoid, people who’d been put in there by accident, but the other two simply brushed them off.
“Some sacrifices need to be made for the greater good.” Joule’s tone was oddly serious for his standards.
“They were dumb enough to get themselves in there in the first place.”
“Yes. A few lives don’t mean anything before the greater good.”
“No, no sacrifices are needed for the greater good.” Nathan was a stubborn one. Even though it was obvious the other two were not about to change their minds, he persisted.
“If you’re wrongly accused, you don’t just let yourself get fucking arrested.”
“Death does not equate to good in any way!”
“That’s a very naïve, childish way of looking at things.” Joule scoffed in a condescending tone.
“No, it’s common sense.” It was a wonder, Nathan’s patience.
“The hell it is. Common sense says that more people are killed by villains every day than there are innocents in the Devoid. So statistically speaking, it would be logical to kill them.”
“Kill a few villains, save more lives.”
“If it’s for the ‘greater good’, anyone with powers should be put to death so that it’s ensured that no villains ever emerge.” Nathan made a compelling point. Except, the other two didn’t seem to think so.
“Now you’re just exaggerating.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Really? Because not too long ago, that was the plan.”
“Hey some of us use our infini powers for the greater good!” Joule was beginning to get quite worked up.
“Do you think the Meek would care?”
“Infini powered and the Meek don’t have anything to do with killing villains,” snorted Kade.
“Yeah plus the Meek is gone now. You’re generalising.”
“If we’re killing villains, people are going to start thinking that anyone with powers should be killed. If we’re killing villains to get ahead of the game, we better go the full way.
“There is no reason to kill powered individuals, nor infini powereds.” Joule was getting pretty annoyed at Nathan by this point.
“People know the difference between villains and heroes,” Kade supported him. “It’s kinda obvious.”
“Exactly.”
“You can alter physics, and I can control fire that can destroy anything. How are those not potentially dangerous to the general populace? Heroes go bad all the time.”
“Well hey, some of us can control our powers.” Part of him regretted the words as soon as he spoke them. But he’d gone too far to stop now.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Oh nothing, nothing.” He waved his hand. “Just saying, there isn’t a chance of me going dark-side ever.”
“Really? Just saying?”
“My power does more good than harm,” he shrugged.
“Can’t we have one damn argument without it turning into you two fighting?” Kade rolled his eyes, looking pretty much done with them both.
“We’re not fighting.” The two spoke at the same time.
“Uh huh. Not yet you’re not.”
Ignoring Kade’s comment, Nathan turned back to Joule. “You risk the chances of a full nuclear winter every time you alter molecules – pretty dangerous.”
“I don’t risk anything. I can control my powers. I know what I’m doing.” He could have left it at that. He should have. Yet he couldn’t stop himself opening his mouth and adding, “I know it my be a difficult concept for you to grasp, but I can actually control them.”
“I have a degree in Physics and Chemistry. I know what you’re doing as well. And I can control my powers just fine, thank you.”
Joule was mildly impressed at Nathan’s ability to keep his calm at a comment like that. Impressed, and somewhat thankful. He didn’t actually want to fight. They’d been getting along so well, and now he was ruining everything. As usual.
“Shall we just... agree to disagree?” Nat forced a smile, knowing that if he allowed the conversation to continue, it would not end well for either of them. He still hadn’t forgotten the time when he had accidentally hurt Kade while having a -literally- heated argument with Nathan.
“And what is it we would be agreeing to disagree on?”
“To each have our own opinions on villains.”
“You mean people?”
“I mean people who turned into villains.”
“You don’t stop being a person just because you go dark.”
Joule had tried to end the conversation. He really had. It wasn’t his fault Nathan simply refused to let it go.
Kade was joining in again, “No, you kinda do.”
“Yeah, you do.” Joule stood by his side, nodding his head in agreement.
“No you don’t. If you were to become a villain right now, you would still be human.”
“Human doesn’t equal personhood.”
“Yes it does, Kade.”
The man tried to answer back, but was interrupted by GG walking in on them, folders and boxes in his hands.
“Hey guys! Sorry to barge in right now, haha even though it is my house, it’s yours now, but you have mail and I thought I’d bring it over myself and see what you’re up to!” He had a wide grin on his face, as if he knew some kind of great news that they weren’t aware of. “Got a bag of fanmail. I sorted them depending on who they’re addressed to, you don’t have to thank me, oh okay, go on then, thank me a little if you insist~”
“Let’s just agree to drop this, alright? – sup GG – This arguing is getting us nowhere.” Kade set his foot down, and Joule was done talking on the subject.
“Well, if you two ever kill someone while on this team...”
“Woah, morbid subject much?” GG intervened.
“A bit,” huffed Nathan.
“Let me lighten up the mood a bit for you, Joule! You’ve got letters!” He held up a small box.
“I always have fanmail,” Joule shrugged.
“No, not fanmail! Letters! You have loads of them!”
“I... what?” Joule blinked several times, staring at GG curiously. Letters? How could he have letters? He didn’t have anyone who’d write to him. “Must be for someone else.”
“No no,” GG insisted, “Nathaniel Prescott Ampere. They’re for you.”
“Joule, who the hell is sending you letters? Letters?” Kade grinned at him, look of curiosity and surprise on his face.
Joule said nothing. He simply stood there, staring at the box in GG’s hand, as if it were a ghost.
“Joule, are you okay?” Of course Nathan would be the first to notice something was amiss. He always did. Joule cursed him in his head and turned away.
“I don’t know. I don’t have anyone who would write to me. Must be spam. Throw them away.”
What he said didn’t make sense, he knew, but he had no other way to react. Who would write spam to him, and address it to his real, family name? All the fanmail was addressed to Joule, in fact, pretty much all of his mail was.
“Yes.” GG said dryly, raising an eyebrow. “Spam. From Mr. And Mrs. Ampere. So much spam. A whole box of it.”
[Note: This takes place much later in time, the events have not yet occurred.]
[Part 1]
Joule was having an argument with Nathan about something related to his obsession with sex. Such conversations had been common between the two when they had first met, but they hadn’t actually had one in a while.
“You’re like the beacon of sex stuff in this group. You’re going to spread your influence to everyone and they’ll all be busy having sex so no one can stop the villains!”
Kade intervened with a grin on his face. “Maybe he can weaponise it.”
“We could use it against the villains- But if they reproduce, that is a problem.” Nathan rubbed his chin.
“We could distract them with sex. And then kill them.” Joule piped up.
“Gunno suck if they’re asexual though,” pointed out Nathan.
“Then we can sexually harass them. And kill them while they are distracted.” He put his hands on his waist proudly.
“Your tendency towards killing villains is rather disturbing.”
“Oh yeah. I guess it’s illegal to kill them,” Joule pulled a face. “But really it would be the logical thing to do. Stop them from causing any more trouble.”
“Villains are people too.” The other man disagreed with him. “They deserve a second chance to right their wrongs.”
“Uh. No. No they don’t.” It was Kade who spoke up this time, and Joule agreed with him.
“How are they supposed to right their wrongs through the Devoid anyway?”
“Not all villains started out that way. They are victims of circumstance, and killing them makes us no better. They can be rehabilitated,” Nathan frowned slightly.
“The hell they can.” Joule folded his arms.
“Yeah don’t be stupid. They forfeited that right be becoming villains.”
“They should just wipe everyone in the Devoid out and reduce the chances of an uprising.”
“Seriously, why do we even have a place like that?”
Nathan stared at the other two in a moment of disbelief. How could they be so naïve?
“Then by that logic, we should kill everyone in prison. Even the kid in there for stealing.”
“That’s different,” Joule rolled his eyes.
“Yes, villains aren’t ordinary prisoners.”
“Exactly. Murder of innocents is the ultimate crime. Chaos. Disorder. Evil things.” Joule’s voice was firm.
“They’re terrorists, murderers, people who would go right back to doing the exact same thing that landed them in there if they go out.”
Kade’s words stung him. They stung Joule, even though he wouldn’t admit it, not even to himself.
“Not all villains have committed murder,” argued Nathan, “and by killing them, we are murdering them.”
“Fight fire with fire!”
“Yeah!”
“No, don’t. I know from experience, fire does not defeat fire.” Nathan had a sad expression on his face as he said that.
“I saw just bring the death penalty back!” Joule just kept getting bolder with his statements. “See how many villains chicken out.”
“What Joule said. People in the Devoid are not people. Period.”
“Exactly.” The sting in his chest was back. He ignored it.
“So there’s no issue with killing them.”
Nathan gave examples of heroes being put in the Devoid, people who’d been put in there by accident, but the other two simply brushed them off.
“Some sacrifices need to be made for the greater good.” Joule’s tone was oddly serious for his standards.
“They were dumb enough to get themselves in there in the first place.”
“Yes. A few lives don’t mean anything before the greater good.”
“No, no sacrifices are needed for the greater good.” Nathan was a stubborn one. Even though it was obvious the other two were not about to change their minds, he persisted.
“If you’re wrongly accused, you don’t just let yourself get fucking arrested.”
“Death does not equate to good in any way!”
“That’s a very naïve, childish way of looking at things.” Joule scoffed in a condescending tone.
“No, it’s common sense.” It was a wonder, Nathan’s patience.
“The hell it is. Common sense says that more people are killed by villains every day than there are innocents in the Devoid. So statistically speaking, it would be logical to kill them.”
“Kill a few villains, save more lives.”
“If it’s for the ‘greater good’, anyone with powers should be put to death so that it’s ensured that no villains ever emerge.” Nathan made a compelling point. Except, the other two didn’t seem to think so.
“Now you’re just exaggerating.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Really? Because not too long ago, that was the plan.”
“Hey some of us use our infini powers for the greater good!” Joule was beginning to get quite worked up.
“Do you think the Meek would care?”
“Infini powered and the Meek don’t have anything to do with killing villains,” snorted Kade.
“Yeah plus the Meek is gone now. You’re generalising.”
“If we’re killing villains, people are going to start thinking that anyone with powers should be killed. If we’re killing villains to get ahead of the game, we better go the full way.
“There is no reason to kill powered individuals, nor infini powereds.” Joule was getting pretty annoyed at Nathan by this point.
“People know the difference between villains and heroes,” Kade supported him. “It’s kinda obvious.”
“Exactly.”
“You can alter physics, and I can control fire that can destroy anything. How are those not potentially dangerous to the general populace? Heroes go bad all the time.”
“Well hey, some of us can control our powers.” Part of him regretted the words as soon as he spoke them. But he’d gone too far to stop now.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Oh nothing, nothing.” He waved his hand. “Just saying, there isn’t a chance of me going dark-side ever.”
“Really? Just saying?”
“My power does more good than harm,” he shrugged.
“Can’t we have one damn argument without it turning into you two fighting?” Kade rolled his eyes, looking pretty much done with them both.
“We’re not fighting.” The two spoke at the same time.
“Uh huh. Not yet you’re not.”
Ignoring Kade’s comment, Nathan turned back to Joule. “You risk the chances of a full nuclear winter every time you alter molecules – pretty dangerous.”
“I don’t risk anything. I can control my powers. I know what I’m doing.” He could have left it at that. He should have. Yet he couldn’t stop himself opening his mouth and adding, “I know it my be a difficult concept for you to grasp, but I can actually control them.”
“I have a degree in Physics and Chemistry. I know what you’re doing as well. And I can control my powers just fine, thank you.”
Joule was mildly impressed at Nathan’s ability to keep his calm at a comment like that. Impressed, and somewhat thankful. He didn’t actually want to fight. They’d been getting along so well, and now he was ruining everything. As usual.
“Shall we just... agree to disagree?” Nat forced a smile, knowing that if he allowed the conversation to continue, it would not end well for either of them. He still hadn’t forgotten the time when he had accidentally hurt Kade while having a -literally- heated argument with Nathan.
“And what is it we would be agreeing to disagree on?”
“To each have our own opinions on villains.”
“You mean people?”
“I mean people who turned into villains.”
“You don’t stop being a person just because you go dark.”
Joule had tried to end the conversation. He really had. It wasn’t his fault Nathan simply refused to let it go.
Kade was joining in again, “No, you kinda do.”
“Yeah, you do.” Joule stood by his side, nodding his head in agreement.
“No you don’t. If you were to become a villain right now, you would still be human.”
“Human doesn’t equal personhood.”
“Yes it does, Kade.”
The man tried to answer back, but was interrupted by GG walking in on them, folders and boxes in his hands.
“Hey guys! Sorry to barge in right now, haha even though it is my house, it’s yours now, but you have mail and I thought I’d bring it over myself and see what you’re up to!” He had a wide grin on his face, as if he knew some kind of great news that they weren’t aware of. “Got a bag of fanmail. I sorted them depending on who they’re addressed to, you don’t have to thank me, oh okay, go on then, thank me a little if you insist~”
“Let’s just agree to drop this, alright? – sup GG – This arguing is getting us nowhere.” Kade set his foot down, and Joule was done talking on the subject.
“Well, if you two ever kill someone while on this team...”
“Woah, morbid subject much?” GG intervened.
“A bit,” huffed Nathan.
“Let me lighten up the mood a bit for you, Joule! You’ve got letters!” He held up a small box.
“I always have fanmail,” Joule shrugged.
“No, not fanmail! Letters! You have loads of them!”
“I... what?” Joule blinked several times, staring at GG curiously. Letters? How could he have letters? He didn’t have anyone who’d write to him. “Must be for someone else.”
“No no,” GG insisted, “Nathaniel Prescott Ampere. They’re for you.”
“Joule, who the hell is sending you letters? Letters?” Kade grinned at him, look of curiosity and surprise on his face.
Joule said nothing. He simply stood there, staring at the box in GG’s hand, as if it were a ghost.
“Joule, are you okay?” Of course Nathan would be the first to notice something was amiss. He always did. Joule cursed him in his head and turned away.
“I don’t know. I don’t have anyone who would write to me. Must be spam. Throw them away.”
What he said didn’t make sense, he knew, but he had no other way to react. Who would write spam to him, and address it to his real, family name? All the fanmail was addressed to Joule, in fact, pretty much all of his mail was.
“Yes.” GG said dryly, raising an eyebrow. “Spam. From Mr. And Mrs. Ampere. So much spam. A whole box of it.”
Joule- Admin
- Posts : 284
Join date : 2014-07-19
Age : 33
Location : In your pants -
Re: The best topic clearly because it is about Joule
by Joule Mon Aug 04, 2014 8:25 pm
[Note: This takes place much later in time, the events have not yet occurred.]
[Part 2, continuation of the above.]
Joule visibly tensed.
“... Joule. Who are these from?” Kade took a step towards him.
“Hey,” he felt Nathan put a hand on his shoulder, sounding confused. “It can’t be that bad, can it?”
“I thought you’d be happy!” a very disappointed GG whined. “What with the new law where peole can send letters from the Devod and all! Looks like they’d been writing these for years, waiting for when they would be able to give them to you!”
Silence on Joule’s part, confusing on everyone else’s. He could feel their eyes burning his back. GG approached, handing him one of the letters, “Look!”
He did look. He took it in his hands, looked at it, then he increased its temperature and burnt it, scattering the ash.
“I don’t want them. Throw them out.”
“... Joule what the hell.” He could tell Kade was frowning, just from the sound of his voice.
“Joule... Don’t you wanna know what they say?” Nathan sounded more calm than the other hero, but just as confused and concerned.
“I don’t care.” There was no emotion in his voice. It was a flat, emotionless statement.
“But they’re your parents!” GG looked at the other two, now knowing what to do.
“What the actual fuck Joule, how can you not care?”
“Not anymore they’re not, Kade. I don’t have parents. So just get rid of the letters, okay?” He could feel his mind slipping. He could feel it but he couldn’t stop it. Everything was flat. Nothing mattered.
“You can’t just abandon them because they’re in the Devoid.” Nathan frowned.
“Yes I can.” No empathy in his voice. “They are murderers. Mass murderers. They don’t deserve my time.”
“They’re still your parents.”
“But- Joule Jesus Christ they’re your parents.”
So the other two kept saying. But Joule didn’t have parents. Joule didn’t want parents. He’d written them out of his life, and he intended to keep it that way. He didn’t need parents.
“No they’re NOT.” The first sign of emotion in his voice. Anger.
“Yes they are!”
“Will you two just DROP it? I don’t care about them.”
“What the HELL is wrong with you?!” Kade raising his voice at him only made him more angry.
“No, Joule- You can’t just say that. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t have burnt that letter.” Nathan was spot on as usual. Joule hated him for it.
“I can’t just get rid of all these!” GG held up the box in shock.
“Then I CAN DO IT FOR YOU.”
“Joule, no. GG, just put them somewhere else.”
The producer nodded, holding the box away in horror.
“Tsk. Fine. I don’t care. Do whatever you want with them.” Every word he spoke hung between irrational anger and extreme apathy.
“How can you not care about this?” Of course Kade wouldn’t understand. He didn’t expect him to. He didn’t expect anything from anyone.
“because I don’t care about them” The apathy was growing in his voice, eyes now flickering from side to side, avoiding everyone’s gaze, like a cornered animal. “I don’t care. I DoN’t”
“Aren’t you even curious as to what they have to say?” Nathan was probably the only person there still keeping their cool.
“why do you even care so much mind your own slugging business” No punctuation, no emotion, nothing. He could almost hear Kade’s concern growing.
“Because I know what it’s like to not actually have parents.”
Nathan’s words seemed to snap Kade out of his shock. He stared at Joule for a moment. “... They’ve been writing to you this entire time. Knowing that you wouldn’t be able to read them. But they still did it.”
“no I don’t have parents.” A broken record.
“No, you have parents. Those letters are proof.”
“shut up Nathan”
“How the fuck do you not care about- OH MY GOD.”
“shut up shut up S H U T U P” He rubbed his head anxiously, his breathing irregular, eyes unable to focus anywhere. “its none of your business none of it okay why are you still questioning me about this is wasn’t my fault okay it wasn’t my fault it”
“I know it’s not your fault, Joule.” Nathan’s voice did little to calm him.
“leave me alone” Was he hyperventilating? It felt like he was hyperventilating.
“... Nathan.” Kade shot the other hero a worried glance.
“Yeah, got it.” He took a few steps back, away from Joule.
“Nathan, I think we should shut up...”
“it wasn’t my fault,” Joule was still muttering, shaking slightly. “I didn’t know so just shut up it wasn’t okay it wasnt”
“He needs to talk about it though,” Nathan mumbled back.
“Yeah. Yeah, I know. Just... leave him alone.”
Nathan let out a sigh, shaking his head. Joule was shaking more now, fists clenched.
“H-hey...” Kade reached out to him, but he flinched away.
“they deserve to be in there they are not my parents any more I am not related to them”
With that, he turned around and retreated, half walking, half running to his room, his little nest of safety where he could hide, hide away from it all and pretend it never happened.
“No, Nat!- fuck.” With a sigh, Kade ran his hands through his hair. He waited until Joule was out of the room. “... Can’t believe what I said earlier.”
“So now you change your mind?”
“... Yeah. Ugh. FUCK.” His fist met the nearest wall, lights around him flickering slightly.
“So. Um.” GG was still standing there, holding the letters. “What should I do with these?”
Kade let out a sigh, and held his hands out at him. “I’ll take them.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. Someone’s gotta make sure he doesn’t burn them. And if he changes his mind...” he shrugged.
“Okay...” GG didn’t sound too sure about this, but he handed the letters over anyway. “But if he asks I’ll tell him you threatened my life to get them.” With that, he was gone, leaving the others to go through their fanmail.
Joule wanted to scream into his pillow. He wanted to shout and yell and break down, and break things too. He sat on his bed instead. He sat there and did nothing, his face emotionless. He didn’t even realise that around the mansion, all the furniture was beginning to float away. There was nothing violent about it. Gravity was simply relaxing. Everything slowly floated. Gently.
“I’m gonna... go put these somewhere. Talk to you guys later.” Trying to sound as calm as possible, Kade took the box to his room, stashing it somewhere safe. He ran his hands through his hair again. “Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.”
He couldn’t stay there and pretend nothing had happened. He needed to find Joule. With a deep breath, he made his way to his room, stopping right outside the door. He let out a sigh as a lamp floated by his head. “Great... This is gonna go great.” Gathring all his strength, he knocked on Joule’s door.
There was a pause. The whole world seemed to pause. Then all the floating objects fell with a crash to the ground.
“Who is it?” Joule’s voice sounded from behind the door, oddly cheerful.
“... Kade.”
“Come in~”
Kade hesitated for a moment, then opened the door and walked in, making sure it was well shut behind his back. They needed some privacy, and definitely no cameras sneaking in.
“Hey... You, uh. You okay?”
“Hello darling!” The smile on his face was unnaturally wide. Kade stared at him for a moment. “Sorry, the room is a bit of a mess! I wasn’t expecting you!”
“... Uh...”
“How can I help you?”
“Wow, you got over that pretty quick.”
“Got over what?” A crack in his smiling mask.
“The... thing. Letters. Your... parents.”
“Oh that!” He waved his hand dismissively. “It’s nothing! Anyway... What’s for dinner?” Somehow he managed to force the smile to get wider.
“That was not nothing.”
“Oh? Nothing good to eat? That’s a shame. We could order!” Joule ignored Kade’s frustrated huff. “What do you fancy?”
“Stop, just- stop. What the hell is going on with you right now?”
“Stop?” A twitch. Then it was gone. “Awww... you aren’t hungry? No no it’s cool I get it. Sometimes I’m not hungry either. Though I am always hungry for you~”
He gave the other man a wink and moved in to kiss him, but Kade shoved him away.
“Uuuugh I am so not in the mood for this right now.”
For a moment Joule’s smile faltered, and it looked as if he would break down. He fixed it. He always fixed it. His mask had been patched and worn countless of times. He wouldn’t stop now.
“Not in the mood? Or playing hard to get?” He flirted, because flirting was all he knew how to do to keep himself safe.
“Don’t, fucking don’t.” Kade held him back at arm’s length.
“Don’t what, darling?”
“Drop this god damn act and explain to me what in actual hell just went on.” There was a seriousness in Kade’s voice he was not entirely familiar with.
“What makes you feel entitled to an explanation?” His words were as cold as his smile was wide.
“You just... snapped in front of everyone. And now you’re acting like nothing happened.” He could read the confusion, the anger, the worry in Kade’s eyes. He didn’t care.
“So?” A simple word, a simply shrug.
“’So’? ‘So’?!” Another shrug from Joule. “Is that all you’re gonna come out with?!”
“Why should I explain myself to you?” The words just poured out of his mouth, trying to shield himself from the hurt, to defend himself from everything and everyone. “You’re just a stranger. We are simply having sex. That’s all.”
A blank stare. That was what he got from the other man. No shouting. No extreme reactions. A blank expression.
“Go away.” Joule could barely keep him smile pinned up anymore. “Leave me alone.”
“No- no you’re gonna listen to what I have to say whether you like it or not.”
Why was Kade still there? Why wasn’t he leaving?
“Oh yeah? And why is that?” More desperate bravado. “Why do you even care?”
“Someone needs to hammer some sense into that fucking thick skull of yours, now shut the hell up.”
He did. For a few seconds at least. But his mouth wouldn’t stay shut. “Just get back to your own life Kade.”
“No.” It was obvious from the strain in his voice that he was putting up a huge effort not to shout.
“Mine is none of your BUSINESS!” Finally a real crack. Real anger. Real hurt. The mask falling away. “Everyone else seems to get it and leaves me alone, so why don’t YOU? WHY are you still around?”
“It’s my business if I say it is! Your parents are in the Devoid but they still give a damn about you. They’ve been writing to you, they care about you, then you just burn the fucking letter, lose your shit and then pretend like nothing happened?!”
“Yeah well. What if I DO? What do you CARE?”
“I would give ANYTHING to have what you have!”
“But people in the Devoid are not real people, isn’t that right?”
“No- no, shut- shut the fuck up. I was wrong. Alright?”
“No you weren’t.” The smile was gone and it wasn’t coming back. “You were right.”
“No, I wasn’t,” his voice was verging on desperate now.
“They aren’t my parents any more. Just let it go.”
“No!” Kade wanted to hit something. He restrained himself. “My mother is dead, and my dad as good as! Yours are both alive and they still give a shit. How can you not care about that?!”
“You don’t know ANYTHING ABOUT THEM!”
“I know that they still LOVE THEIR SON!”
“YES WELL LOVE IS STUPID. LOVING PEOPLE CAUSES NOTHING BUT TROUBLE.” He was done holding it in. Done. It was all falling through again, leaking out. “I DO NOT WANT IT.”
“YOU DON’T GET A SAY IN WHO LOVES YOU, YOU ASSHOLE.”
“THEY WERE SELFISH IDIOTS. AND THEIR STUPIDITY CAUSED THE DESTRUCTION OF AN ENTIRE CITY.” There it was. The truth was out. It was out and there was no going back. Joule saw the moment of surprise on Kade’s face. “YEAH. THE SLOTH INCIDENT? CITY WIPED OFF THE MAP? RING A BELL?”
“The fuck does that have to do with any-”
“FOURTEEN YEARS AGO? YEAH. THEM.”
“... oh.”
“Because they were STUPID!”
“That... that was you? And your parents?”
In that brief moment of silence a world of sadness could be seen in Nat’s eyes.
“... Yeah. GREAT loving parents they were.”
“They... didn’t do that because they were stupid, Nat. They did it to protect you.”
“DESTROYED A WHOLE CITY JUST BECAUSE THEIR STUPID CHILD MANAGED TO GET ITSELF CAPTURED BY THE VILLAIN. THAT’S PRETTY STUPID.” His voice was loud, loud enough for people walking by to know that something was wrong, and certainly loud enough for cameras to pick up on from outside the door. He didn’t care. “The LOGICAL thing to do would be to PUT THE LIFE OF THOUSANDS BEFORE A SINGLE ONE. IF THEY REALLY CARED. THEY WOULDN’T HAVE DONE WHAT THEY DID. THEY DESTROYED A CITY. A WHOLE CITY KADE. HOW- H-HOW- How do you THINK that feels. H-how.”
Out of breath, voice cracking, eyes red. How had it come to this? And why was Kade still there?
“H-how?” Joule was shaking as he stared at the other hero, who had fallen silent. “S-saved me for WHAT? They ruined their lived and those of THOUSANDS. So I could live. Why? How am I supposed to live for ALL OF THEM Kade? H-how am I? For everyone who died? So one person could live? What could I ever possibly do to make it worth it? It doesn’t even MATTER! Because they’re DEAD. And no matter what I do, they won’t STOP being dead!” Wanting to fill the void created by Kade’s silence, Nat continued. “I don’t want that kind of love. I don’t WANT it.”
“... I would trade places with you in a heartbeat.”
“You can HAVE them. I don’t want anymore to love me. It just creates complications.”
“FINE. Fine.”
Joule could tell from Kade’s done that he was done with their conversation. That he was done with him. He didn’t stop him as his hand reached for the door. He simply watched as he pulled it open, then paused for a moment.
“... I’m sorry. For what it’s worth.” He wasn’t looking at Joule. He was staring at the floor.
Joule didn’t mean to say the things that he did. He was lashing out, wounded, wanting to push everyone away, to inflict as much pain as he felt inside.
“Yes well.” He mentally slapped himself, trying to stop him from doing any more damage. He failed. “It’s not worth much.”
When Kade scoffed he knew he’d lost him. He knew he would never be able to take back everything he had said. It felt as if a hole had been punched inside his chest, and he had been the one to do it in the first place. It was his fault. It was all his fault.
“Yeah. Yeah, fuck you, too.” With that, Kade walked out. Out of his room and, most likely, Joule believed, from his life.
“Whatever.” He answered to no one. To himself. He needed to say it, to pretend like it didn’t matter. Like it didn’t hurt.
It hurt.
[Part 2, continuation of the above.]
Joule visibly tensed.
“... Joule. Who are these from?” Kade took a step towards him.
“Hey,” he felt Nathan put a hand on his shoulder, sounding confused. “It can’t be that bad, can it?”
“I thought you’d be happy!” a very disappointed GG whined. “What with the new law where peole can send letters from the Devod and all! Looks like they’d been writing these for years, waiting for when they would be able to give them to you!”
Silence on Joule’s part, confusing on everyone else’s. He could feel their eyes burning his back. GG approached, handing him one of the letters, “Look!”
He did look. He took it in his hands, looked at it, then he increased its temperature and burnt it, scattering the ash.
“I don’t want them. Throw them out.”
“... Joule what the hell.” He could tell Kade was frowning, just from the sound of his voice.
“Joule... Don’t you wanna know what they say?” Nathan sounded more calm than the other hero, but just as confused and concerned.
“I don’t care.” There was no emotion in his voice. It was a flat, emotionless statement.
“But they’re your parents!” GG looked at the other two, now knowing what to do.
“What the actual fuck Joule, how can you not care?”
“Not anymore they’re not, Kade. I don’t have parents. So just get rid of the letters, okay?” He could feel his mind slipping. He could feel it but he couldn’t stop it. Everything was flat. Nothing mattered.
“You can’t just abandon them because they’re in the Devoid.” Nathan frowned.
“Yes I can.” No empathy in his voice. “They are murderers. Mass murderers. They don’t deserve my time.”
“They’re still your parents.”
“But- Joule Jesus Christ they’re your parents.”
So the other two kept saying. But Joule didn’t have parents. Joule didn’t want parents. He’d written them out of his life, and he intended to keep it that way. He didn’t need parents.
“No they’re NOT.” The first sign of emotion in his voice. Anger.
“Yes they are!”
“Will you two just DROP it? I don’t care about them.”
“What the HELL is wrong with you?!” Kade raising his voice at him only made him more angry.
“No, Joule- You can’t just say that. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t have burnt that letter.” Nathan was spot on as usual. Joule hated him for it.
“I can’t just get rid of all these!” GG held up the box in shock.
“Then I CAN DO IT FOR YOU.”
“Joule, no. GG, just put them somewhere else.”
The producer nodded, holding the box away in horror.
“Tsk. Fine. I don’t care. Do whatever you want with them.” Every word he spoke hung between irrational anger and extreme apathy.
“How can you not care about this?” Of course Kade wouldn’t understand. He didn’t expect him to. He didn’t expect anything from anyone.
“because I don’t care about them” The apathy was growing in his voice, eyes now flickering from side to side, avoiding everyone’s gaze, like a cornered animal. “I don’t care. I DoN’t”
“Aren’t you even curious as to what they have to say?” Nathan was probably the only person there still keeping their cool.
“why do you even care so much mind your own slugging business” No punctuation, no emotion, nothing. He could almost hear Kade’s concern growing.
“Because I know what it’s like to not actually have parents.”
Nathan’s words seemed to snap Kade out of his shock. He stared at Joule for a moment. “... They’ve been writing to you this entire time. Knowing that you wouldn’t be able to read them. But they still did it.”
“no I don’t have parents.” A broken record.
“No, you have parents. Those letters are proof.”
“shut up Nathan”
“How the fuck do you not care about- OH MY GOD.”
“shut up shut up S H U T U P” He rubbed his head anxiously, his breathing irregular, eyes unable to focus anywhere. “its none of your business none of it okay why are you still questioning me about this is wasn’t my fault okay it wasn’t my fault it”
“I know it’s not your fault, Joule.” Nathan’s voice did little to calm him.
“leave me alone” Was he hyperventilating? It felt like he was hyperventilating.
“... Nathan.” Kade shot the other hero a worried glance.
“Yeah, got it.” He took a few steps back, away from Joule.
“Nathan, I think we should shut up...”
“it wasn’t my fault,” Joule was still muttering, shaking slightly. “I didn’t know so just shut up it wasn’t okay it wasnt”
“He needs to talk about it though,” Nathan mumbled back.
“Yeah. Yeah, I know. Just... leave him alone.”
Nathan let out a sigh, shaking his head. Joule was shaking more now, fists clenched.
“H-hey...” Kade reached out to him, but he flinched away.
“they deserve to be in there they are not my parents any more I am not related to them”
With that, he turned around and retreated, half walking, half running to his room, his little nest of safety where he could hide, hide away from it all and pretend it never happened.
“No, Nat!- fuck.” With a sigh, Kade ran his hands through his hair. He waited until Joule was out of the room. “... Can’t believe what I said earlier.”
“So now you change your mind?”
“... Yeah. Ugh. FUCK.” His fist met the nearest wall, lights around him flickering slightly.
“So. Um.” GG was still standing there, holding the letters. “What should I do with these?”
Kade let out a sigh, and held his hands out at him. “I’ll take them.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. Someone’s gotta make sure he doesn’t burn them. And if he changes his mind...” he shrugged.
“Okay...” GG didn’t sound too sure about this, but he handed the letters over anyway. “But if he asks I’ll tell him you threatened my life to get them.” With that, he was gone, leaving the others to go through their fanmail.
Joule wanted to scream into his pillow. He wanted to shout and yell and break down, and break things too. He sat on his bed instead. He sat there and did nothing, his face emotionless. He didn’t even realise that around the mansion, all the furniture was beginning to float away. There was nothing violent about it. Gravity was simply relaxing. Everything slowly floated. Gently.
“I’m gonna... go put these somewhere. Talk to you guys later.” Trying to sound as calm as possible, Kade took the box to his room, stashing it somewhere safe. He ran his hands through his hair again. “Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.”
He couldn’t stay there and pretend nothing had happened. He needed to find Joule. With a deep breath, he made his way to his room, stopping right outside the door. He let out a sigh as a lamp floated by his head. “Great... This is gonna go great.” Gathring all his strength, he knocked on Joule’s door.
There was a pause. The whole world seemed to pause. Then all the floating objects fell with a crash to the ground.
“Who is it?” Joule’s voice sounded from behind the door, oddly cheerful.
“... Kade.”
“Come in~”
Kade hesitated for a moment, then opened the door and walked in, making sure it was well shut behind his back. They needed some privacy, and definitely no cameras sneaking in.
“Hey... You, uh. You okay?”
“Hello darling!” The smile on his face was unnaturally wide. Kade stared at him for a moment. “Sorry, the room is a bit of a mess! I wasn’t expecting you!”
“... Uh...”
“How can I help you?”
“Wow, you got over that pretty quick.”
“Got over what?” A crack in his smiling mask.
“The... thing. Letters. Your... parents.”
“Oh that!” He waved his hand dismissively. “It’s nothing! Anyway... What’s for dinner?” Somehow he managed to force the smile to get wider.
“That was not nothing.”
“Oh? Nothing good to eat? That’s a shame. We could order!” Joule ignored Kade’s frustrated huff. “What do you fancy?”
“Stop, just- stop. What the hell is going on with you right now?”
“Stop?” A twitch. Then it was gone. “Awww... you aren’t hungry? No no it’s cool I get it. Sometimes I’m not hungry either. Though I am always hungry for you~”
He gave the other man a wink and moved in to kiss him, but Kade shoved him away.
“Uuuugh I am so not in the mood for this right now.”
For a moment Joule’s smile faltered, and it looked as if he would break down. He fixed it. He always fixed it. His mask had been patched and worn countless of times. He wouldn’t stop now.
“Not in the mood? Or playing hard to get?” He flirted, because flirting was all he knew how to do to keep himself safe.
“Don’t, fucking don’t.” Kade held him back at arm’s length.
“Don’t what, darling?”
“Drop this god damn act and explain to me what in actual hell just went on.” There was a seriousness in Kade’s voice he was not entirely familiar with.
“What makes you feel entitled to an explanation?” His words were as cold as his smile was wide.
“You just... snapped in front of everyone. And now you’re acting like nothing happened.” He could read the confusion, the anger, the worry in Kade’s eyes. He didn’t care.
“So?” A simple word, a simply shrug.
“’So’? ‘So’?!” Another shrug from Joule. “Is that all you’re gonna come out with?!”
“Why should I explain myself to you?” The words just poured out of his mouth, trying to shield himself from the hurt, to defend himself from everything and everyone. “You’re just a stranger. We are simply having sex. That’s all.”
A blank stare. That was what he got from the other man. No shouting. No extreme reactions. A blank expression.
“Go away.” Joule could barely keep him smile pinned up anymore. “Leave me alone.”
“No- no you’re gonna listen to what I have to say whether you like it or not.”
Why was Kade still there? Why wasn’t he leaving?
“Oh yeah? And why is that?” More desperate bravado. “Why do you even care?”
“Someone needs to hammer some sense into that fucking thick skull of yours, now shut the hell up.”
He did. For a few seconds at least. But his mouth wouldn’t stay shut. “Just get back to your own life Kade.”
“No.” It was obvious from the strain in his voice that he was putting up a huge effort not to shout.
“Mine is none of your BUSINESS!” Finally a real crack. Real anger. Real hurt. The mask falling away. “Everyone else seems to get it and leaves me alone, so why don’t YOU? WHY are you still around?”
“It’s my business if I say it is! Your parents are in the Devoid but they still give a damn about you. They’ve been writing to you, they care about you, then you just burn the fucking letter, lose your shit and then pretend like nothing happened?!”
“Yeah well. What if I DO? What do you CARE?”
“I would give ANYTHING to have what you have!”
“But people in the Devoid are not real people, isn’t that right?”
“No- no, shut- shut the fuck up. I was wrong. Alright?”
“No you weren’t.” The smile was gone and it wasn’t coming back. “You were right.”
“No, I wasn’t,” his voice was verging on desperate now.
“They aren’t my parents any more. Just let it go.”
“No!” Kade wanted to hit something. He restrained himself. “My mother is dead, and my dad as good as! Yours are both alive and they still give a shit. How can you not care about that?!”
“You don’t know ANYTHING ABOUT THEM!”
“I know that they still LOVE THEIR SON!”
“YES WELL LOVE IS STUPID. LOVING PEOPLE CAUSES NOTHING BUT TROUBLE.” He was done holding it in. Done. It was all falling through again, leaking out. “I DO NOT WANT IT.”
“YOU DON’T GET A SAY IN WHO LOVES YOU, YOU ASSHOLE.”
“THEY WERE SELFISH IDIOTS. AND THEIR STUPIDITY CAUSED THE DESTRUCTION OF AN ENTIRE CITY.” There it was. The truth was out. It was out and there was no going back. Joule saw the moment of surprise on Kade’s face. “YEAH. THE SLOTH INCIDENT? CITY WIPED OFF THE MAP? RING A BELL?”
“The fuck does that have to do with any-”
“FOURTEEN YEARS AGO? YEAH. THEM.”
“... oh.”
“Because they were STUPID!”
“That... that was you? And your parents?”
In that brief moment of silence a world of sadness could be seen in Nat’s eyes.
“... Yeah. GREAT loving parents they were.”
“They... didn’t do that because they were stupid, Nat. They did it to protect you.”
“DESTROYED A WHOLE CITY JUST BECAUSE THEIR STUPID CHILD MANAGED TO GET ITSELF CAPTURED BY THE VILLAIN. THAT’S PRETTY STUPID.” His voice was loud, loud enough for people walking by to know that something was wrong, and certainly loud enough for cameras to pick up on from outside the door. He didn’t care. “The LOGICAL thing to do would be to PUT THE LIFE OF THOUSANDS BEFORE A SINGLE ONE. IF THEY REALLY CARED. THEY WOULDN’T HAVE DONE WHAT THEY DID. THEY DESTROYED A CITY. A WHOLE CITY KADE. HOW- H-HOW- How do you THINK that feels. H-how.”
Out of breath, voice cracking, eyes red. How had it come to this? And why was Kade still there?
“H-how?” Joule was shaking as he stared at the other hero, who had fallen silent. “S-saved me for WHAT? They ruined their lived and those of THOUSANDS. So I could live. Why? How am I supposed to live for ALL OF THEM Kade? H-how am I? For everyone who died? So one person could live? What could I ever possibly do to make it worth it? It doesn’t even MATTER! Because they’re DEAD. And no matter what I do, they won’t STOP being dead!” Wanting to fill the void created by Kade’s silence, Nat continued. “I don’t want that kind of love. I don’t WANT it.”
“... I would trade places with you in a heartbeat.”
“You can HAVE them. I don’t want anymore to love me. It just creates complications.”
“FINE. Fine.”
Joule could tell from Kade’s done that he was done with their conversation. That he was done with him. He didn’t stop him as his hand reached for the door. He simply watched as he pulled it open, then paused for a moment.
“... I’m sorry. For what it’s worth.” He wasn’t looking at Joule. He was staring at the floor.
Joule didn’t mean to say the things that he did. He was lashing out, wounded, wanting to push everyone away, to inflict as much pain as he felt inside.
“Yes well.” He mentally slapped himself, trying to stop him from doing any more damage. He failed. “It’s not worth much.”
When Kade scoffed he knew he’d lost him. He knew he would never be able to take back everything he had said. It felt as if a hole had been punched inside his chest, and he had been the one to do it in the first place. It was his fault. It was all his fault.
“Yeah. Yeah, fuck you, too.” With that, Kade walked out. Out of his room and, most likely, Joule believed, from his life.
“Whatever.” He answered to no one. To himself. He needed to say it, to pretend like it didn’t matter. Like it didn’t hurt.
It hurt.
Joule- Admin
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Re: The best topic clearly because it is about Joule
by Joule Wed Aug 06, 2014 7:58 am
[The aftermath of the above. Since ekurian wrote theirs and broke my heart.]
Stranger.
That’s what he had called him. That’s what he had called Kade. After everything they had been through together, after everything they had shared. That’s what it came down to. Two strangers having sex.
Is that all there was to it?
Yes, he tried to convince himself. That was all. He didn’t care. He didn’t care about Kade. He didn’t care about his parents. He didn’t care that his powers were killing him. He didn’t care about anything.
Then why does it hurt so much?
Why did it feel as if his chest was being torn open, and prodded with a stick repeatedly? Why did his own throat feel as if it had a strong desire to choke him? Why did his eyes sting? And above all, why, despite all this pain, did he feel completely numb?
The look on Kade’s face as I uttered that word.
It hurt him in ways he hadn’t thought possible. And it made him angry, because he didn’t understand why it hurt. He didn’t care. He told himself this over and over again, as if repeating it in his head would somehow make it more true. He needed it to be true. He needed it, because caring for people only lead to disaster. It lead to bad decisions. It lead to illogical choices. It lead his parents to the Devoid. It lead him to have his first attack. Because he’d cared for that one stupid tortoise. A useless animal. He’d cared for it, and what had it given him in return? His powers banned from him. Looming death. He hated that tortoise. He wished he’d let it die.
Logic of course said that the tortoise wasn’t to blame. That he would have used his powers on one thing or another. That the attacks couldn’t have been avoided. That he had always been destined to live with that weight on his shoulders, live whatever short life chance decided to allow him.
But hurt didn’t listen to reason.
Everything was spilling out, overflowing, overwhelming. And at the same time, everything was fine. It was fine, because it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. It was all pointless. He couldn’t feel anything. Nat sat on his floor, staring at the wall, for what seemed like hours.
His parents had written to him.
Letters.
A whole box of them. They still cared. They still thought of him. They were still worried about him. Didn’t they hate him? He was the reason they were in there. Why didn’t they hate him? Why didn’t they hate him like he hated them?
Do I hate them?
And Kade.
Kade.
Why did he have to go and push him like that? Why couldn’t he have just left him alone? Everyone else did. So why did he have to persist? Why did he care? Nat would have been better off alone. He should have kept people at a distance, as always.
Alone.
Alone with his walls and his secrets and his mask and his fake smiles. He didn’t need anyone. He didn’t. So why did he keep seeing his face, and hearing his voice, and longing for his touch? Longing to say he was sorry.
Sorry.
Please don’t leave me.
I’m lonely.
I’m scared. I am so scared. I have always been scared.
Those thoughts fell through, silenced as always, buried in the back of his head. They existed, but they didn’t exist. They were in limbo. They were a forgotten dream.
He stood up. Touched the wall. Not sure why. He needed to touch something. To feel.
He didn’t feel anything.
He hit his hand against it. Once. Twice. Harder. Still no feeling. He wanted to hurt himself more. Hurt himself so that he could at least feel something. So he could stop feeling numb.
There was a distant sound of shattering glass. Or at least he’d thought it had been distant. But as he stared down at his bloodied hand, he realised that he had punched one of his glass displays. Figurines were scattered around the floor.
Is this really my blood?
It didn’t feel like his blood. It didn’t feel like anything. He picked shards of glass out of his hand and let them drop to the floor. He still felt nothing. What would it take for him to feel again?
Feeling detached he made his way out of the room, through the halls, and it felt as if he were navigating through a video game, where he was just playing a character, someone distant, not himself. Was he even real?
Some people called out his name. It didn’t feel like it belonged to him. He ignored them. Made his way straight to the kitchen. Grabbed a few bottles. Then back to his room. He hadn’t even seen what kind of drinks they were. He assumed they had to be strong because they were on the shelf Kade always reached for when he-
Kade.
There it was. Emotion. For an instant. A sting. A cut. A tear. Then it was gone and the numbness returned, and Nat was trying desperately to put the other man from his mind, and drinking, drinking until all he could think of was the drink that passed his lips, not his parents, not Kade, not anyone.
He drank both bottles, grimacing at the taste with each swing he took. He could hear Helen’s voice, lecturing him, telling him about all the harm alcohol did to his body, how it worsened his condition, how he couldn’t afford to drink. How he needed to be careful. Of everything. Simply to live. For how long? Another day? Another month? A few more years? She couldn’t say. They didn’t know.
Do you want to die?
I don’t care.
It only half of the first bottle to get him drunk. By the end of the second one, he was completely out of it. Everything swirled, his body gagging, complaining at the poison he’d fed it. Then the contents of his stomach were being violently emptied, and he just wanted the world to stop turning, he just wanted everything to stop, and he lay there on the floor, covered in his own vomit, shards of glass against his cheek, cutting him, but he didn’t attempt to move his face away from them.
And he still felt numb.
Stranger.
That’s what he had called him. That’s what he had called Kade. After everything they had been through together, after everything they had shared. That’s what it came down to. Two strangers having sex.
Is that all there was to it?
Yes, he tried to convince himself. That was all. He didn’t care. He didn’t care about Kade. He didn’t care about his parents. He didn’t care that his powers were killing him. He didn’t care about anything.
Then why does it hurt so much?
Why did it feel as if his chest was being torn open, and prodded with a stick repeatedly? Why did his own throat feel as if it had a strong desire to choke him? Why did his eyes sting? And above all, why, despite all this pain, did he feel completely numb?
The look on Kade’s face as I uttered that word.
It hurt him in ways he hadn’t thought possible. And it made him angry, because he didn’t understand why it hurt. He didn’t care. He told himself this over and over again, as if repeating it in his head would somehow make it more true. He needed it to be true. He needed it, because caring for people only lead to disaster. It lead to bad decisions. It lead to illogical choices. It lead his parents to the Devoid. It lead him to have his first attack. Because he’d cared for that one stupid tortoise. A useless animal. He’d cared for it, and what had it given him in return? His powers banned from him. Looming death. He hated that tortoise. He wished he’d let it die.
Logic of course said that the tortoise wasn’t to blame. That he would have used his powers on one thing or another. That the attacks couldn’t have been avoided. That he had always been destined to live with that weight on his shoulders, live whatever short life chance decided to allow him.
But hurt didn’t listen to reason.
Everything was spilling out, overflowing, overwhelming. And at the same time, everything was fine. It was fine, because it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. It was all pointless. He couldn’t feel anything. Nat sat on his floor, staring at the wall, for what seemed like hours.
His parents had written to him.
Letters.
A whole box of them. They still cared. They still thought of him. They were still worried about him. Didn’t they hate him? He was the reason they were in there. Why didn’t they hate him? Why didn’t they hate him like he hated them?
Do I hate them?
And Kade.
Kade.
Why did he have to go and push him like that? Why couldn’t he have just left him alone? Everyone else did. So why did he have to persist? Why did he care? Nat would have been better off alone. He should have kept people at a distance, as always.
Alone.
Alone with his walls and his secrets and his mask and his fake smiles. He didn’t need anyone. He didn’t. So why did he keep seeing his face, and hearing his voice, and longing for his touch? Longing to say he was sorry.
Sorry.
Please don’t leave me.
I’m lonely.
I’m scared. I am so scared. I have always been scared.
Those thoughts fell through, silenced as always, buried in the back of his head. They existed, but they didn’t exist. They were in limbo. They were a forgotten dream.
He stood up. Touched the wall. Not sure why. He needed to touch something. To feel.
He didn’t feel anything.
He hit his hand against it. Once. Twice. Harder. Still no feeling. He wanted to hurt himself more. Hurt himself so that he could at least feel something. So he could stop feeling numb.
There was a distant sound of shattering glass. Or at least he’d thought it had been distant. But as he stared down at his bloodied hand, he realised that he had punched one of his glass displays. Figurines were scattered around the floor.
Is this really my blood?
It didn’t feel like his blood. It didn’t feel like anything. He picked shards of glass out of his hand and let them drop to the floor. He still felt nothing. What would it take for him to feel again?
Feeling detached he made his way out of the room, through the halls, and it felt as if he were navigating through a video game, where he was just playing a character, someone distant, not himself. Was he even real?
Some people called out his name. It didn’t feel like it belonged to him. He ignored them. Made his way straight to the kitchen. Grabbed a few bottles. Then back to his room. He hadn’t even seen what kind of drinks they were. He assumed they had to be strong because they were on the shelf Kade always reached for when he-
Kade.
There it was. Emotion. For an instant. A sting. A cut. A tear. Then it was gone and the numbness returned, and Nat was trying desperately to put the other man from his mind, and drinking, drinking until all he could think of was the drink that passed his lips, not his parents, not Kade, not anyone.
He drank both bottles, grimacing at the taste with each swing he took. He could hear Helen’s voice, lecturing him, telling him about all the harm alcohol did to his body, how it worsened his condition, how he couldn’t afford to drink. How he needed to be careful. Of everything. Simply to live. For how long? Another day? Another month? A few more years? She couldn’t say. They didn’t know.
Do you want to die?
I don’t care.
It only half of the first bottle to get him drunk. By the end of the second one, he was completely out of it. Everything swirled, his body gagging, complaining at the poison he’d fed it. Then the contents of his stomach were being violently emptied, and he just wanted the world to stop turning, he just wanted everything to stop, and he lay there on the floor, covered in his own vomit, shards of glass against his cheek, cutting him, but he didn’t attempt to move his face away from them.
And he still felt numb.
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Nat's Parents
by Joule Sat Aug 09, 2014 7:03 pm
Random facts about Nat’s parents:
- His mother is called Mei-Xing, and her power is to manipulate light. Her hero name is Zhulong, the name of the Chinese dragon of daylight. She loves mythology and fantastical things, and has always been a hopeless romantic. She moved to the UK when she was still a kid.
- His father is called Anton, Anton Ampere. His hero name is the Alchemist and his power is to manipulate chemistry. He’s the logical scientist type. He had lived in the UK all his life.
- The two travelled to the US a lot on hero business, and they had some family there too. They always took Nat with them on such trips, and he stayed with Mei’s sister, his aunt, when the two of them were out.
- They met while on hero duty when they were in their early twenties. They were in the same hero team, and grew close while fighting crime together. Anton, usually so serious and introverted, fell in love with how excited Mei was about everything, and how active and happy she always was, and he helped ground her - they brought out the best in each other.
- The loved each other very much, and the only person they loved more than each other was Nat. This is why, when Nat was captured by a villain at the age of 10, they chose to wipe out an entire city rather than have their little boy murdered.
- For their first years in the Devoid they were in separate cells and they wrote secret messages to each other often - Mei sending them written in light on the wall, and Anton in her water, by changing its colour to form words. Due to excellent behaviour, they were later moved to the same cell.
- They would often write letters to Nathaniel, even though they knew he would probably never get to read them.
- His mother is called Mei-Xing, and her power is to manipulate light. Her hero name is Zhulong, the name of the Chinese dragon of daylight. She loves mythology and fantastical things, and has always been a hopeless romantic. She moved to the UK when she was still a kid.
- His father is called Anton, Anton Ampere. His hero name is the Alchemist and his power is to manipulate chemistry. He’s the logical scientist type. He had lived in the UK all his life.
- The two travelled to the US a lot on hero business, and they had some family there too. They always took Nat with them on such trips, and he stayed with Mei’s sister, his aunt, when the two of them were out.
- They met while on hero duty when they were in their early twenties. They were in the same hero team, and grew close while fighting crime together. Anton, usually so serious and introverted, fell in love with how excited Mei was about everything, and how active and happy she always was, and he helped ground her - they brought out the best in each other.
- The loved each other very much, and the only person they loved more than each other was Nat. This is why, when Nat was captured by a villain at the age of 10, they chose to wipe out an entire city rather than have their little boy murdered.
- For their first years in the Devoid they were in separate cells and they wrote secret messages to each other often - Mei sending them written in light on the wall, and Anton in her water, by changing its colour to form words. Due to excellent behaviour, they were later moved to the same cell.
- They would often write letters to Nathaniel, even though they knew he would probably never get to read them.
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Join date : 2014-07-19
Age : 33
Location : In your pants -
Always
by Joule Sun Aug 10, 2014 10:30 am
[Takes place when Nat is 17. Helen is his herologist.]
“Time. It’s a bit of an irony really - you controlling time makes you run out of time.” Hellen was speaking and Joule was listening only half interested, getting distracted by the people passing by the window, wondering what kinds of lives each of them lead. “All the tests indicate that your health suffers when you manipulate time. We are not certain of the effects overusing your other powers could have on your body, but I would strongly suggest keeping them under control. What happens is…”
Helen brought up some diagrams and pointed at the holo-screen, explaining complicated theories Nat cared little for. He didn’t care why this was happening. He just wanted it to stop. It was as simple as that.
“… so while when you’ve got your powers under full control you project them directly onto the world, when you push yourself and lack control, they go through your own body first and then out- Nat. Nat? NATHANIEL!”
Nat jumped at the sound of his name, tearing his eyes away from a tall woman in a beautiful blue dress who was walking her dog. “Hm yes yes what? I’m listening!”
“Okay…” Helen rubbed her head. “Let me explain this in your kind of language. You know Avatar?”
“What, the blue aliens movie, or the last Airbender?” She had his attention.
“The last one. Anyway, remember lightning bending? How it’s dangerous and if you don’t do it right, it passes through your heart?”
Nat nodded, suddenly feeling much more awake. “Right. Okay. This means I can stop them from hurting me if I just practice more, isn’t that right?”
“Yes. But your training will have to be really careful, controlled.”
“Isn’t everything in my life,” he muttered under his breath.
“What was that?”
“Nothing…” He rubbed his head, trying to take in all this new information. “What… what about my memory…?”
He’d written it off as simply being distracted and simply being a little forgetful, but in the past few months he had begun forgetting what he had been saying in the middle of his sentences. He couldn’t remember things he had read just minutes ago, or things people had told him on the previous day.
“I… I’m still looking into that, but it’s obvious that your powers are also affecting that. I mean, strokes tend to affect all kinds of brain functions, so bad memory really is no surprise, but it is still not entirely clear precisely in what ways different areas of your brain are affected. It’s not as if these are ordinary strokes under ordinary conditions - your situation is unique.”
“Yay, I feel so special,” Nat rolled his eyes.
“The good thing is that your powers, as much harm as they’ve done, are also helping keep you alive. There is no way an ordinary person could have survived as many attacks as you’ve had, let alone function nearly normally after them all. Still, you need to keep being careful. I have revised your diet, and also your training schedule. I have also increased the dose of your medication, and you will need to take it three times a day now.”
She went on, talking about every single aspect of his life he needed to be careful over. About what he needed to eat, about the hours he needed to exercise, about his power training - how long, when, what to do, how to do it. His meChip monitored his vitals at all times, and tracked him wherever he went, in case anything ever went wrong. Helen always needed to know where he was, and he could never travel too far away from her and any major hospitals. Of course no drinking or smoking, that much was obvious.
“Okay okay yeah I get it,” he waved his hand. “Just write me a list of everything, sheesh.”
“I already have,” she handed him the papers.
“Great…” A heavy sigh passed his lips. “So… Uh… How long for?”
“What do you mean…?”
“How long do I need to keep this whole ‘being careful of fucking living’ thing for?”
“I… Nat… You don’t understand… Always. For the rest of your life.”
Always.
Always.
The word rang in his head over and over again. There would be no getting out of this. This would be his life. However short or long. This would never go away. It wouldn’t get better. They weren’t fighting to make it go away. They were fighting to stop it from getting worse. That was all. Always. He would always have to be careful. He would always have to be tracked. He would always go to sleep at night wondering whether the next day he would be alright.
“O-okay.” He tried to hide the shakiness in his voice. “Right. Okay. So. If I do all that… if I do everything you ask…” Nat took in a deep breath; there was no easy way to say this. The words sounded foreign as they left his mouth. “How… how long…? I mean… I-I’ll get to have a normal life, right? N-no problem? Right…?”
Helen’s silence made his heart sink. He could see the struggle, the pain in her eyes, how she wished she could just say ‘Yes, yes of course, everything will be okay,’ but no, that would be a lie. Everything wasn’t going to be okay. That much was obvious now.
“Nathaniel I… I mean I can’t say for sure but… You…” She took in a deep breath. She was a doctor. She couldn’t afford to get emotional. “Your condition is too unstable for me to confirm anything like that. It is entirely possible that, given that you follow my instructions, you could still get several more years of life. Perhaps even decades. However, that is not a certainty.”
“So you’re telling me I could do all the shit you’re asking me to do, and still be dead in a year? Or a month? Or a week? Or a day?”
“… I’m afraid so.”
Nathaniel didn’t say anything after that. He remained silent. He felt numb. He simply picked his things up and left, paying no attention to Helen trying to talk to him, to reach out to him. He left, and went to the place he always went to, the place he had found when he had first moved to the States, a few years after his parents had been sent to the Devoid. It was his quiet places, his special place, his place. He went there and he cried.
“Time. It’s a bit of an irony really - you controlling time makes you run out of time.” Hellen was speaking and Joule was listening only half interested, getting distracted by the people passing by the window, wondering what kinds of lives each of them lead. “All the tests indicate that your health suffers when you manipulate time. We are not certain of the effects overusing your other powers could have on your body, but I would strongly suggest keeping them under control. What happens is…”
Helen brought up some diagrams and pointed at the holo-screen, explaining complicated theories Nat cared little for. He didn’t care why this was happening. He just wanted it to stop. It was as simple as that.
“… so while when you’ve got your powers under full control you project them directly onto the world, when you push yourself and lack control, they go through your own body first and then out- Nat. Nat? NATHANIEL!”
Nat jumped at the sound of his name, tearing his eyes away from a tall woman in a beautiful blue dress who was walking her dog. “Hm yes yes what? I’m listening!”
“Okay…” Helen rubbed her head. “Let me explain this in your kind of language. You know Avatar?”
“What, the blue aliens movie, or the last Airbender?” She had his attention.
“The last one. Anyway, remember lightning bending? How it’s dangerous and if you don’t do it right, it passes through your heart?”
Nat nodded, suddenly feeling much more awake. “Right. Okay. This means I can stop them from hurting me if I just practice more, isn’t that right?”
“Yes. But your training will have to be really careful, controlled.”
“Isn’t everything in my life,” he muttered under his breath.
“What was that?”
“Nothing…” He rubbed his head, trying to take in all this new information. “What… what about my memory…?”
He’d written it off as simply being distracted and simply being a little forgetful, but in the past few months he had begun forgetting what he had been saying in the middle of his sentences. He couldn’t remember things he had read just minutes ago, or things people had told him on the previous day.
“I… I’m still looking into that, but it’s obvious that your powers are also affecting that. I mean, strokes tend to affect all kinds of brain functions, so bad memory really is no surprise, but it is still not entirely clear precisely in what ways different areas of your brain are affected. It’s not as if these are ordinary strokes under ordinary conditions - your situation is unique.”
“Yay, I feel so special,” Nat rolled his eyes.
“The good thing is that your powers, as much harm as they’ve done, are also helping keep you alive. There is no way an ordinary person could have survived as many attacks as you’ve had, let alone function nearly normally after them all. Still, you need to keep being careful. I have revised your diet, and also your training schedule. I have also increased the dose of your medication, and you will need to take it three times a day now.”
She went on, talking about every single aspect of his life he needed to be careful over. About what he needed to eat, about the hours he needed to exercise, about his power training - how long, when, what to do, how to do it. His meChip monitored his vitals at all times, and tracked him wherever he went, in case anything ever went wrong. Helen always needed to know where he was, and he could never travel too far away from her and any major hospitals. Of course no drinking or smoking, that much was obvious.
“Okay okay yeah I get it,” he waved his hand. “Just write me a list of everything, sheesh.”
“I already have,” she handed him the papers.
“Great…” A heavy sigh passed his lips. “So… Uh… How long for?”
“What do you mean…?”
“How long do I need to keep this whole ‘being careful of fucking living’ thing for?”
“I… Nat… You don’t understand… Always. For the rest of your life.”
Always.
Always.
The word rang in his head over and over again. There would be no getting out of this. This would be his life. However short or long. This would never go away. It wouldn’t get better. They weren’t fighting to make it go away. They were fighting to stop it from getting worse. That was all. Always. He would always have to be careful. He would always have to be tracked. He would always go to sleep at night wondering whether the next day he would be alright.
“O-okay.” He tried to hide the shakiness in his voice. “Right. Okay. So. If I do all that… if I do everything you ask…” Nat took in a deep breath; there was no easy way to say this. The words sounded foreign as they left his mouth. “How… how long…? I mean… I-I’ll get to have a normal life, right? N-no problem? Right…?”
Helen’s silence made his heart sink. He could see the struggle, the pain in her eyes, how she wished she could just say ‘Yes, yes of course, everything will be okay,’ but no, that would be a lie. Everything wasn’t going to be okay. That much was obvious now.
“Nathaniel I… I mean I can’t say for sure but… You…” She took in a deep breath. She was a doctor. She couldn’t afford to get emotional. “Your condition is too unstable for me to confirm anything like that. It is entirely possible that, given that you follow my instructions, you could still get several more years of life. Perhaps even decades. However, that is not a certainty.”
“So you’re telling me I could do all the shit you’re asking me to do, and still be dead in a year? Or a month? Or a week? Or a day?”
“… I’m afraid so.”
Nathaniel didn’t say anything after that. He remained silent. He felt numb. He simply picked his things up and left, paying no attention to Helen trying to talk to him, to reach out to him. He left, and went to the place he always went to, the place he had found when he had first moved to the States, a few years after his parents had been sent to the Devoid. It was his quiet places, his special place, his place. He went there and he cried.
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Re: The best topic clearly because it is about Joule
by Joule Sat Aug 16, 2014 12:31 pm
[some Joule info and headcanons!]
- He doesn't like clothes, he thinks they are irritating and suffocating and often goes around shirtless. In his home he is alway naked, but in the DQP he is usually forced to wear pants when in public spaces.
- He goes around wearing his super suit a lot, even when he is just making tea
- Even when he isn't wearing his costume, he likes to keep his mask on. He has stopped doing that so much now in the DQP.
- He hasn't had a real friend since the age of ten, though he didn't really have many before then either. He was an arrogant child, and also the son of two famous powered heroes, so this distanced him from others.
- He has been using his powers since he could walk and talk, and has always loved them.
- When he was seven he turned back time to save a tortoise from being run over. This is what triggered his first mini-stroke. The doctor said that it would be best if he did not use his powers until he was older and better able to control them, and for three years he only used them once in a while in secret.
- He admires animals in the wild but dislikes them as pets, and as something to be cared for. This is partially due to the fact that it was caring for that tortoise which lead to his first attack, and cost him his powers for a long time.
- He isn't reckless because he doesn't care about whether he will live or die, but rather because he overestimates his own abilities.
- His parents always took him with to the US when on hero duty but he always stayed with relatives. One day when he was ten he was sick of being told he couldn't use his powers and watching his parents go, so he snuck away and followed them. He got captured by the villains, and used as a hostage to get his parents to cooperate. If asked about his opinion of children nowadays he will say that he doesn't like them because they do stupid things.
- His parents ended up wiping an entire city off the map, so Nat wouldn't be killed. This became known as the Sloth Incident, a tragedy broadcast worldwide, and Nat's parents were sent to the Devoid, along with Sloth, the villain.
- Deep down he feels like his life isn't his own and that he owes it to all those people who died so he could live.
- He thinks old people are cool because it's amazing to have lived that long and have so many experiences. He actually enjoys seeing himself age and he was overjoyed when he found his first white hair.
- He used to cry himself to sleep because he was afraid he wouldn't wake up the next morning.
- He would never, ever become a villain. He isn't a model hero but he would never go bad either.
- He would sacrifice his own life to save a city, no second thoughts, but he wouldn't do it just to save one or two people.
- He is so used to nightmares he is actually surprised when he doesn't have them.
- He pretends his parents are dead, not in the Devoid, and to him, they really are.
- He doesn't like clothes, he thinks they are irritating and suffocating and often goes around shirtless. In his home he is alway naked, but in the DQP he is usually forced to wear pants when in public spaces.
- He goes around wearing his super suit a lot, even when he is just making tea
- Even when he isn't wearing his costume, he likes to keep his mask on. He has stopped doing that so much now in the DQP.
- He hasn't had a real friend since the age of ten, though he didn't really have many before then either. He was an arrogant child, and also the son of two famous powered heroes, so this distanced him from others.
- He has been using his powers since he could walk and talk, and has always loved them.
- When he was seven he turned back time to save a tortoise from being run over. This is what triggered his first mini-stroke. The doctor said that it would be best if he did not use his powers until he was older and better able to control them, and for three years he only used them once in a while in secret.
- He admires animals in the wild but dislikes them as pets, and as something to be cared for. This is partially due to the fact that it was caring for that tortoise which lead to his first attack, and cost him his powers for a long time.
- He isn't reckless because he doesn't care about whether he will live or die, but rather because he overestimates his own abilities.
- His parents always took him with to the US when on hero duty but he always stayed with relatives. One day when he was ten he was sick of being told he couldn't use his powers and watching his parents go, so he snuck away and followed them. He got captured by the villains, and used as a hostage to get his parents to cooperate. If asked about his opinion of children nowadays he will say that he doesn't like them because they do stupid things.
- His parents ended up wiping an entire city off the map, so Nat wouldn't be killed. This became known as the Sloth Incident, a tragedy broadcast worldwide, and Nat's parents were sent to the Devoid, along with Sloth, the villain.
- Deep down he feels like his life isn't his own and that he owes it to all those people who died so he could live.
- He thinks old people are cool because it's amazing to have lived that long and have so many experiences. He actually enjoys seeing himself age and he was overjoyed when he found his first white hair.
- He used to cry himself to sleep because he was afraid he wouldn't wake up the next morning.
- He would never, ever become a villain. He isn't a model hero but he would never go bad either.
- He would sacrifice his own life to save a city, no second thoughts, but he wouldn't do it just to save one or two people.
- He is so used to nightmares he is actually surprised when he doesn't have them.
- He pretends his parents are dead, not in the Devoid, and to him, they really are.
Joule- Admin
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Join date : 2014-07-19
Age : 33
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Re: The best topic clearly because it is about Joule
by Joule Mon Aug 18, 2014 10:07 am
[letters from the Devoid]
My dearest Nathaniel,
You will most likely never get to read this, but still I feel this overwhelming need to write it, to write to you, hoping that perhaps somehow you'd be able to hear me, that perhaps I could somehow reach out to you, my dear son. I hope you are well, and that your gran is taking good care of you; to be honest, I know she is. There is something I needed to say, something guiding my hand as I write this, something from the bottom of my heart that I oh so wish I could somehow tell you in person.
That I am sorry. I am so very sorry my beautiful boy, that we will not be there for you, even though we had promised we would be. I am so very sorry we have had to leave you alone, and I hope in my heart that one day you'll be able to forgive us, and understand why we did what we did. I dread that you might grow up blaming yourself for what happened. That, and not an eternity in here, is my greatest fear, my dearest Nathaniel. Your father and I love you very much, and this was our choice, not yours. So please keep on living your life with your head held high. The thought of your beautiful smile is enough to keep us going, even under these conditions, even when everything else may seem bleak. Because that smile, my beloved son, is brighter than the light of any star out there, of any light I have ever bottled or created. Please don't ever stop smiling like that; please don't ever stop being the kind boy that you are, full of love and with so much to give. I know that you'll be strong, that you'll keep on going and that you'll make us proud. I believe in you. We both do.
With all the love in my heart,
Your Mother
My dearest Nathaniel,
You will most likely never get to read this, but still I feel this overwhelming need to write it, to write to you, hoping that perhaps somehow you'd be able to hear me, that perhaps I could somehow reach out to you, my dear son. I hope you are well, and that your gran is taking good care of you; to be honest, I know she is. There is something I needed to say, something guiding my hand as I write this, something from the bottom of my heart that I oh so wish I could somehow tell you in person.
That I am sorry. I am so very sorry my beautiful boy, that we will not be there for you, even though we had promised we would be. I am so very sorry we have had to leave you alone, and I hope in my heart that one day you'll be able to forgive us, and understand why we did what we did. I dread that you might grow up blaming yourself for what happened. That, and not an eternity in here, is my greatest fear, my dearest Nathaniel. Your father and I love you very much, and this was our choice, not yours. So please keep on living your life with your head held high. The thought of your beautiful smile is enough to keep us going, even under these conditions, even when everything else may seem bleak. Because that smile, my beloved son, is brighter than the light of any star out there, of any light I have ever bottled or created. Please don't ever stop smiling like that; please don't ever stop being the kind boy that you are, full of love and with so much to give. I know that you'll be strong, that you'll keep on going and that you'll make us proud. I believe in you. We both do.
With all the love in my heart,
Your Mother
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Re: The best topic clearly because it is about Joule
by Joule Fri Aug 22, 2014 8:17 pm
Fun fact:
Joule owns one of the largest menswear and super-suit firms in the country, as well as world-wide. He inherited a lot of it from his parents, then changed the name and business strategy, and made it even larger. Some of the richest and most posh superheroes have had their suits made there. The firm's name is Prescott Bernoulli, "Prescott" being Nat's middle name, and Bernoulli being something he chose instead of "Ampere", which is his true family name.
He is actually into fashion design and has a say in all of the important designs.
Joule owns one of the largest menswear and super-suit firms in the country, as well as world-wide. He inherited a lot of it from his parents, then changed the name and business strategy, and made it even larger. Some of the richest and most posh superheroes have had their suits made there. The firm's name is Prescott Bernoulli, "Prescott" being Nat's middle name, and Bernoulli being something he chose instead of "Ampere", which is his true family name.
He is actually into fashion design and has a say in all of the important designs.
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Re: The best topic clearly because it is about Joule
by Joule Tue Aug 26, 2014 4:14 pm
[After Joule's fight with Kade and then Nathan]
He’d blow in. Blown it all. Blown it all to hell. It had been on purpose, hadn’t it? Nat never had friends, not since his parents… That was by choice. He didn’t want to care. Caring for people only lead to trouble. And love, love was the worst of them all. Love was a treacherous emotion which lead to bad decisions, hurt and anger. He wouldn’t allow himself to feel it. He wouldn’t get close to people, and he wouldn’t let people get close to him. He was better than that. He was smarter. He had no use for love. It wasn’t logical, it wasn’t useful. Nat would be alone as always, just as he liked it.
Alone. Always.
It was his choice. His choice alone, so why did he feel as if he had been stabbed in the chest and then left empty? First he had pushed Kade away, now Nathan. The only person who’d known the truth about him. The only person who’d had the guts to speak to him without holding back. He had cared for Nat, and Nat had pushed him away, as he always did. He’d refused to listen to a word of his, and simply thrown his care back in his face. He didn’t need care. He didn’t want care. So why did he feel so bitter about it? He’d said he didn’t care. He didn’t want him around. His friend. One of his only friends.
But he didn’t need friends. He didn’t have friends, he didn’t want friends.
Nathan had only been trying to help. Nathan always tried to help, and when did Nat ever say a simple ‘thank you’? When did he ever show that he cared?
But he didn’t care. Did he? He didn’t want to care. He didn’t choose to care.
So why did it hurt?
He’d blow in. Blown it all. Blown it all to hell. It had been on purpose, hadn’t it? Nat never had friends, not since his parents… That was by choice. He didn’t want to care. Caring for people only lead to trouble. And love, love was the worst of them all. Love was a treacherous emotion which lead to bad decisions, hurt and anger. He wouldn’t allow himself to feel it. He wouldn’t get close to people, and he wouldn’t let people get close to him. He was better than that. He was smarter. He had no use for love. It wasn’t logical, it wasn’t useful. Nat would be alone as always, just as he liked it.
Alone. Always.
It was his choice. His choice alone, so why did he feel as if he had been stabbed in the chest and then left empty? First he had pushed Kade away, now Nathan. The only person who’d known the truth about him. The only person who’d had the guts to speak to him without holding back. He had cared for Nat, and Nat had pushed him away, as he always did. He’d refused to listen to a word of his, and simply thrown his care back in his face. He didn’t need care. He didn’t want care. So why did he feel so bitter about it? He’d said he didn’t care. He didn’t want him around. His friend. One of his only friends.
But he didn’t need friends. He didn’t have friends, he didn’t want friends.
Nathan had only been trying to help. Nathan always tried to help, and when did Nat ever say a simple ‘thank you’? When did he ever show that he cared?
But he didn’t care. Did he? He didn’t want to care. He didn’t choose to care.
So why did it hurt?
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Similar topics» Koule Topic (moved from About the Characters) [Joule, Zenith]
» Character Profiles
» Divine Queer Chat
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» Special Mission, Team I
» Character Profiles
» Divine Queer Chat
» Non Dates [Joule, Zenith]
» Special Mission, Team I
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